I'm getting crazy writing urges. But there's not much to write about besides my NaNo story. And it's not like I can write that yet. *hefty sigh* I did write a little bit of Win's past in Euro the other day, though. I was supposed to be reading the section and answering questions. But the book wasn't making sense... so I decided I wanted to write something instead. I wrote about when they told her her parents died... She ran away from school and ended up getting herself lost, stupid thing. The passage talks against the dangers of impulsiveness!!! It's been so long since I've written an entry or anything that I feel all of my entry-writing abilities have gone down the drain. All of the writing stuff is kind of gone now. I did pretty well during the summer. School is sapping me of all creative energy!!!!!!!!!!! *cowers* I do enjoy school, though. I like all my teachers fine, and though there's a lot of homework I think everything is going well. I am lucky, though, in the fact that I should only have to bring one book to school on a daily basis, as opposed to my some three books I was required to have last year. It turns out I am still kind of agonizing about that one guy, though. *sigh* I don't want to, I really don't want to-- 'cause it hurts, it honestly does. I don't know if I still like him like that or what... but I still end up getting stupidly jealous whenever he's talking to someone else and not me. I must've made it pretty damn clear that I didn't like him that way last year. Why isn't he open to me changing my mind?? The worst of it is this one girl... I swear, she's with him practically all the time. She's not a bad person, really... I mean, I like her fine. But there's just something about her... something about her personality, I guess, the way she handles herself around other people... that I just can't stand. It seems like she's always trying to act.... stupid. Really stupid, dimwitted, idiotic. And I know she's not really stupid. Why do people do that? Do they think stupidity makes them more attractive or something? And the thing that really gets me is that it almost seems like he could like her. And that hurts, because I know she's his complete opposite and doesn't deserve him in the least. I mean, I know I can't do anything about who he has feelings for and they say opposites attract... but do they ever last? I just can't see him being with someone like her, it's all wrong!!! I know he would get hurt... and I really don't want that... Truthfully, he deserves better than me, too. I'm way too screwed up to have that kind of relationship with anyone. But I wish I had one so badly... I just HATE IT. And, so, yes, I'm jealous of her-- completely jealous because of the way he talks to her, the way he looks at her, the fact that they have pretty much every class together and I have TWO with him, and the one is so early in the morning that I'm pretty much dead to the world anyways. I'm jealous of her because SHE'S the one that always sits by him at lunch, SHE'S the one he's always talking to, SHE'S the one who he's always trying to make laugh (it's not like it's that hard, though, since she feels the need to keep up her reputation as an IDIOT). NOT ME. And I hate it. I HATE IT SO MUCH. Why do I have to get so horridly jealous?? I kind of feel this way whenever he so much as looks at another girl, really. HATE HATE HATE. STUPID STUPID STUPID. It's not like he's mine anyway. I almost don't even want him, anyway. But I do. But... I don't. But I really don't want anyone else to have him, either. Ahhh, and so depression sets in. I swear, she makes me so furious that I just want to scream and throw things at her, tell her to GO AWAY, to leave, to never speak to him again... But I can't do that. And I want to be angry at HIM, too-- angry because he's so immensely dense or something because he can't effing see that I have it SO BAD FOR HIM. But I can't be angry at him; he's too wonderful, too funny. He always ends up making me laugh rather than yell at him. Am I that unobvious? I thought that by the immature way I always end up handling myself, he would've ended up figuring it out LONG AGO. 'Cause the rest of the school probably has by now. GOD. Why do I always end up doing this to myself? I'm pretty sure this is how it happened with Joe, too. So is this really no different? Is this just another stupid crush, just like so long ago--only it won't end up turning out to be a complete fiasco? Honestly, I hope it is. Because then there's some hope of getting over it. I wanna write something. I wanna pour all my stupid, idiotic emotion into something worthwhile. -Rin EDIT EDIT EDIT: Duuuude. I totally just watched this awesome movie called The Pirate Movie. It was totally AWESOME. There was singing. And pirates. Pirates! And cute, curly-haired pirate! Cuuute! Now I'm watching some movie called Howard the Duck. This duck from a duck planet just landed in Cleveland. That's... strange. Ohh... poor Howard the Duck. He's getting attacked by classic eighties Cleveland punks. That's... scary... | 
